A Satirical look at Entitlement:
1. The facts: This is my 428th Post. I have been blogging for three and a half years. I get about 60 views a day.
2. My Complaint: My popularity expectations are not being met.
3. My Goal: I want to be immensely popular. I don’t want to put a lot of effort into promoting my blog, nor do I wish to learn how to be a better writer or photographer. No, I just want what popular bloggers have.
4. My Cunning Plan: I’m going to start a new Entitlement Movement. I welcome your suggestions on what I should call it.
5. What my Entitlement Movement will demand:
- I want better wild animal photos for my blog. No one does a nicer job than the Canadian Photographer, Christopher Martin. Oh sure, I could buy a camera like his, and learn how to use it, and spend days tramping through the wilderness – but I’d rather be sitting at my computer complaining. I think I am entitled to some of Christopher’s photos. He has lots of them.
- I want better wild flower photos. Montucky at Montana Outdoors is very good. He (at least I think he is a he) is American, not Canadian, but I spend enough money in the USA during the winter when I visit there, so I think I am entitled to some of his photos too.
- I want better drawings. I like the work of Doodlemum. Yes, I suppose I could learn to draw better, but that would take a lot of time and like I said before, I’m better at complaining.
- I want unique and inventive content. Terry Border from Bent Objects, Nicole at The Middlest Sister and Dan at A LEGO a Day are three of my favourites. I admire their creativity. I don’t have that skill set, and I’m not even sure I have that kind of capability – but it is what I want, and someone should give it to me. I’m entitled.
- I want better stories. Most of my fellow bloggers are better writers than I am, so I want them to ghost write for me.
- I want the same viewer stats as the top 1% of all bloggers. Why should they have so much, and I have so little?
It just dawned on me that I should be demanding better internet service too. I live in a rural area and the nearest internet tower provides “insufficient service” for my needs (“Insufficient service” – that is how my ghost writer would say it, I think). I know, I could move closer to where the services are – but it would be much better if they built a tower closer to my house. Not where I could see it, though. I don’t want my view destroyed. It is bad enough that I can see power poles behind my property. I want all power poles to be underground so I can’t see them. I want all my power to come from the sun or the wind and I want it to be dirt cheap.
Speaking of my rural aspect, there are 17 pieces of property out my way and we were here long before the developers started to march across the horizon and build warehouses. We were here long before the nearest town became a city and annexed us. We were here first! I demand that all this newly developed land be given to me and that I be made President and CEO of all the enterprises that have replaced the homes of the moose and deer and fox.
I also want to have quicker access to an airport, but I don’t want planes flying over my house anymore. Sometimes they are so loud that I can hear them above the howl of the wind and the buzz of the mosquitoes. (I want the wind and mosquitoes to go away too.)
Now I want to go have a nap. Organizing an Entitlement Movement is hard work. I think I need to find ‘people’ to do this stuff for me. I’m entitled to have someone arrange for my entitlements.
You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves.
– Abraham Lincoln –