From Rags to Riches – the Spam Way

I opened a few Gmail accounts a while back – I am migrating from Hotmail to Gmail, though for the life of me I can’t remember what prompted me to do that. Regardless of the reason, I have never checked the Spam box of my Gmail account until today. Imagine my surprise when I discovered all the ways I could be a wealthy woman if I simply follow the instructions in these emails:

1. If I can just help out Mrs.Fatoumata Zongo, the wife to the deceased former Head of Delegation to the World Bank in West Africa, I will get 30% of  US $7 million. Her husband was the linkman between the Organization for Petroleum Exporting Countries – OPEC and the petroleum sector in a West African country. He died from cardiac arrest, though she doesn’t say whether that might have been just after a bullet or an arrow pierced his heart.

I suggest this because it appears like Mr. Zongo was a bit of a shady character. He seems to have skimmed the money off the  allocated oil quota in OPEC. Mrs. Zongo isn’t all that honest either, and she wants me  to assist her to claim his ill gotten gains. The process appears to be very simple. There are some claim documents that will be processed and sent to me. The documents will be amended to reflect me as the beneficiary so that I can  collect the fund as his business associate. Then, I will keep 30% of the total funds and give her the rest when she arrives  in my country.

Now I have to ask the obvious question – why would I give her the 70%?  She anticipated that question, so she appealed to my humanitarian side – she needs it for the up keep of her only son. Well, Mrs. Zongo, you are very wrong if you think I have both a greedy side and a humanitarian side!

My dear Mrs. Zongo – this is a dangerous game you are playing.  Run, Mrs. Zongo before you and your son also experience ‘cardiac arrest’.

2. The next email skipped the preliminary story and got right to the point.  Mrs. Fatu Kabri wished to solicit my partnership to transfer $20 Million US dollars. She would send me more information and procedures once she received this information from me:
1. Full name……….
2. Nationality………….
3. Age…………….
4. Occupation…………..
5. Phone number………….

I expect the circumstances surrounding Mrs. Kabri ‘s $20 million were not all that honest either. Run Mrs. Kabri before you suffer ‘cardiac arrest’ too!

3. The third email was to notify me that I was a Winner in UKNL of One Million Pounds. All I had to do was Contact Agent Larry William Via his Email address and tell him my:
Full Name:
Contact Address:
Tel:
Age:
Country:

Toonaday shark

I had to wonder, how did I win a lottery that I didn’t enter in a country I don’t live? Clearly Agent Larry doesn’t know any of these answers either. Agent Larry also should know by now that One Million pounds is chicken feed compared with what is being offered by his fellow crooks in South Africa.

That was all there was in my Spam Box – three incredibly stupid stories intended to appeal to either my greed or my gullibility. It would all be very funny if the purpose of these emails wasn’t fraudulent, and if some people weren’t victims of the schemes behind these emails.

Think of your Spam Email box as shark infested waters. Don’t even think of going swimming in there!

Unsolicited e-mails, however, are often the initial means for criminals, such as operators of fraudulent schemes, to contact and solicit prospective victims for money, or to commit identity theft by deceiving them into sharing bank and financial account information.
– The United States Department of Justice –

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17 comments

  1. Absolutely unbelievable how people can think we are so stupid to fall for this crazy stuff. It boggles the mind. Good job.

    By the way, as treasurer of the NBFP club I have a great idea how to make our club more solvent. My cousin, who has just been released, has a great investment idea. It’s a sure thing that will return about 25% on our money. As President of NBFP, if you will forward me $10,000.00, I will return it to you after the maturity date on the investment and put the $2500 profit in our account.

    Did I mention what a great post this was?

    Like

    • Well Al, did I mention how very funny you are! Thanks, I needed a good laugh today!
      As for your investment idea – I authorize you to invest anything we have in the Club Funds. I’m content if the profit is paid in Chocolate rather than cash. I seem to be going through a lot of chocolate these days…
      I regret to inform you I will be unable to personally invest in your cousin’s scheme. A portion of my investment capital was a bit too liquid and floated away in the recent flood.

      Like

  2. Today I was wondering if I put too much thought into considering other people’s glaring contradictions, and if those thoughts tended toward too much negativity. After reading this post I decided I’ll stick to observing contradictions, risk the negativity to avoid succumbing to greedy gullibility. 🙂

    I like the irony you draw out of these spam e-mails with “Well, Mrs. Zongo, you are very wrong if you think I have both a greedy side and a humanitarian side!”

    Like

    • In the case of the emails, I felt I could safely lampoon the senders.
      I have found other stuff that begged to be dissected, but in the end I thought it would be best if I just walked away.

      Like

  3. The sad fact is that if these scammers and spammers were not successful they would quit. They aren’t quitting because spamming is a big make money online industry.

    Like

    • I’ve read estimates of what a lucrative business it is. In reality, no one knows the full extent of what it costs people because many folks are too ashamed to admit how gullible they were.

      Like

  4. Someone must get fooled by these emails – otherwise the spammers wouldn’t bother sending them. I seem to get them a lot (I should be a multi-billionaire by now) LOL 😀

    Like

    • Your comment reminded me to check my spam box again, and sure enough, there is one more ‘lucky winner’ email there.
      Another email wants to sell me ‘floor’. Not flooring, just floor. They must have heard about the flood at my cabin.

      Like

  5. I wonder who comes up with these things. I know there are computer programs spitting this stuff out, but I also know that people are employed to send spam. What an awful job. Worse than receiving the spams maybe.

    Like

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