All the Best of The Universal Laws

ToonadayHow many of these Universal Laws do you have first hand experience with?

A closed mouth gathers no feet.
– Finster’s Law –

A good education is the next-best thing to a pushy mother.
– Charles M. Schulz

Always borrow from a pessimist – he doesn’t expect to get it back.
– Simpson’s Rule Of Pecuniary Advancement –

Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
– Wethern’s Law –

A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
– Segal’s Law –

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
– Grossman’s Law –

Do not place your coffee next to the cup you clean your brushes in.
– Painter’s 2nd Law of Watercolors –

Experience teaches you to recognize a mistake when you’ve made it again.
– Holbrook’s Other Law (Russel & Crawford) –

For every problem there is one solution which is simple, neat and wrong.
– H.L. Mencken –

Friendly fire isn’t.
– Murphy’s Second Military Law –

He who deliberates fully before taking a step will spend his entire life on one leg.
– Chinese Proverb –

Hot glass looks the same as cold glass.
– Dominic Cirino’s Law of Burnt Fingers –

If you need four screws for the job, the first three are easy to find.
– The N-1 Law –

If at first you don’t succeed, read the manual.
– Montgomery’s Maxim –

If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.
– Charles Kettering –

In approaching a double door, you will always go to the one door that is locked, pull when you should have pushed, and push when the sign says pull.
– Ehre’s Double-Door Law –

In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.
– Imbesi’s Law –
…but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.
– Freeman’s Extension –

Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
– Second Law of Blissful Ignorance or Hoare’s Law of Large Problems –

It works better if you plug it in.
– Sattinger’s Law –

In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
– Conway’s Law –

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
– Stewart’s Law of Retroaction –

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
– Hanlon’s Razor –

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.
– Joe’s Law –

Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.
– Zymurgy’s First Law of Systems Dynamics –

Shredded cabbage goes great with shredded carrots and mayonnaise.
– Cole’s Law –

The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
– Jennings Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravity –

The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.
– Law of the Search –

The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again.
– Korman’s Law –

The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that’s missing.
– Lyall’s Fundamental Observation –

The one that snores always falls asleep first.
– Bedfellow’s Law –

The only things that start on time are those that you’re late for.
– Cayo’s Law –

The other line moves faster.
– Etorre’s Observation –

That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have gotten.
– Skinner’s Constant –

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed
– Law of Probable Dispersal –

When in doubt, mumble.
-Boren’s First Law –

When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
– Flugg’s Law –

Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
– The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences –

You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can’t Fool Mom.
– Captain Penny’s Law –

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