Television Quotations

The Quippery

Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. What we have now, to quote myself at my most pretentious, is a nimiety of scurrility with a concomitant exiguity of taste.
– Tom Lehrer –

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television’s message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth and fresher breath.
– Dave Barry –

Cable TV is now evenly divided between shows about preparing food and shows about losing weight.
– Andy Borowitz –

How can you put on a meaningful drama or documentary that is adult, incisive, probing, when every fifteen minutes the proceedings are interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper?
– Rod Serling, speech at Ithaca College (New York), quoted in Reader’s Digest, vol.121, 1982 –

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go into the library and read a good book.
– Groucho Marx –

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
– Erma Bombeck –

If it weren’t for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.
– Joey Adams –

If television’s a babysitter, the Internet is a drunk librarian who won’t shut up.
– Dorothy Gambrell, Cat and Girl Volume I –

If you have to get your news from TV, get it from the Comedy Channel. It’s just as accurate, with the added benefit of making you forget your Prozac for a few minutes.
– Greg Tamblyn –

If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you’d find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from The Beverly Hillbillies.
– Dave Barry –

I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence. They got one marked “brightness” but it don’t work, does it?
– Leo Anthony Gallagher –

Remote controls are quite handy. They let you see that there’s nothing worth watching on TV a lot faster.
– Melanie White –

Seeing a murder on television… can help work off one’s antagonisms. And if you haven’t any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
– Alfred Hitchcock –

So long as there’s a jingle in your head, television isn’t free.
– Jason Love –

Television has changed a child from an irresistible force to an immovable object.
– Author Unknown –

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
– Fred Allen (1894 – 1956) –

Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn’t have in your home.
– David Frost –

Television is like the American toaster, you push the button and the same thing pops up every time.
– Alfred Hitchcock –

Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
– Bill Gates –

The publishers and others should quit worrying about losing customers to TV. The guy who can sit through a trio of deodorant commercials to look at Flashgun Casey or swallow a flock of beer and loan-shark spiels in order to watch a couple of fourth-rate club fighters rub noses on the ropes is not losing any time from book reading.
– Raymond Chandler, 1946 –

There are days when any electrical appliance in the house, including the vacuum cleaner, seems to offer more entertainment possibilities than the TV set.
– Harriet van Horne –

We think basically you watch television to turn your brain off, and you work on your computer when you want to turn your brain on.
– Steve Jobs –

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison – if it wasn’t for him, we’d be watching television by candlelight.
– Milton Berle –

5 thoughts on “Television Quotations

  1. I remember Gene Roddenberry, the creator of Star Trek, saying in an interview that programming exists to support advertisement, not the other way round, and his goal was to do as much as he could with that opportunity. “It has become a crusade of mine to demonstrate that TV need not be violent to be exciting.”

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    1. We watch some TV in the winter and almost none in the summer – which you likely understand being a gardener! The commercials seem to be getting worse by the year. Do advertisers really have so little respect for consumers intelligence?

      Liked by 1 person

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