Mildly Amusing Missives #5

The Lighter Side of Arts, Crafts and Leisure Activities

I’m a ‘jack of all trades’ in the crafts department. I’ve never stuck with anything long enough to get really good at it… except for collecting quotes. Here are the ones about Arts and Crafts.

On the Crafts front, I’ve been collecting red Tim’s Iced Capp straws (so I can keep them out of where ever discarded straws go in my prairie province.) I wasn’t sure what to make out of them until I saw this sculpture by the artist David Moreno who makes these out of steel rods. I think I could use my red straws for a project like this – I have just about enough straws for the house on the far left…

In some Future Time or State

I believe in the hereafter.
Every time I walk into a room, I ask, “What am I here after?”
Andrew’s View of the Week

Grapefruit and the Post Office

We have a grapefruit tree at the Arizona house. Sometimes the fruit is oddly shaped, but it is delicious. I am more than optimistic that there will be enough fruit to last me until we go home, in addition to the fruit we will take to the post office every few days. No, we don’t mail it. Our post office simply has a box on a bench near the door where people share their fruit harvest.

Our post office also has an ‘alpha box’. This is a series of ‘pigeon holes’, each with a letter of the alphabet on it. You can ‘mail’ letters to anyone in our community (without buying postage) by putting them in the appropriate alpha box.

A Great Horned Owl on the Fence

It is impossible to not be optimistic about life when a Great Horned Owl sits on your fence.

He respects Owl, because you can’t help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn’t spell it right.
– A. A. Milne –

How to Know When a Politician is Out of Touch

Catherine McKenna is Canada’s Minister of Environment and Climate Change. She was lamenting about the cold. She had apparently not noticed how cold Canada gets every winter.

What examples have you heard where politicians in your community appear to have lost touch with common sense?

One Thing Leads to Another – Telemarketers

We are kind of like this dog when it comes to our home phone. Even though we know that 99% of the time a ringing home phone is a telemarketer, we still go over to the phone to check the call display!

Apparently, the best way to get a telemarketer to stop calling you is to say: “Please put me on your do not call list.” Don’t give them any other information. Don’t engage with them. Don’t get upset.

One of my daughters used to respond to telemarketers by immediately putting her Small Child on the phone. Small Child was always full of questions and observations. Telemarketers with heavy foreign accents were easy prey for a boy without much of a filter between his young brain and his mouth.

Bird Quotations

16-baby-delivery

A wonderful bird is the pelican
His bill will hold more than his belican.
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week,
But I’m damned if I see how the helican.
– Dixon Lanier Merritt –

Bluebirds have taught me a few things. First, the more you think you know, the more you have to learn. Second, never say never because they will fool you every time! Third, they have taught me to stop sweating details in my life and learn to enjoy the simple things. There are things far greater than ourselves out there, going on unnoticed right before our eyes.
– Malinda Matsuko, Bluebirder, 2005 –

Despite their having one wing trimmed, some ravens do in fact go absent without leave and others have had to be sacked. Raven George was dismissed for eating television aerials, and Raven Grog was last seen outside an East End pub.
– The Ravens, Tower of London –

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
– Jason Hutchison or John Benfield –

GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These, by some occult process of nature, are penetrated and suffused with various degrees of the bird’s intellectual energies and emotional character, so that when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an “author,” there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl’s thought and feeling. The difference in geese, as discovered by this ingenious method, is considerable: many are found to have only trivial and insignificant powers, but some are seen to be very great geese indeed.
– Ambrose Bierce –

If you feel the urge, don’t be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?
– Will Rogers –

I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.
– Franklin D. Roosevelt –

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
– Steven Wright –

Owl took Christopher Robin’s notice from Rabbit and looked at it nervously. He could spell his own name WOL, and he could spell Tuesday so that you knew it wasn’t Wednesday, and he could read quite comfortably when you weren’t looking over his shoulder and saying “Well?” all the time…
– The House at Pooh Corner, A.A. Milne –

People who say that an anorexic “eats like a bird” have clearly had no experience with bluejays.
– David J. Beard (1947–2016) –

Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless; peacocks and lilies for instance.
– John Ruskin –

Robins have an extremely high rate of nest fidelity. I know “nest fidelity” sounds like an investment group, but it actually means that robins regularly return to the same breeding site each season.
– Bird Watcher’s General Store –

Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
– Author Unknown –

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
– Author Unknown –

So, little snowbird, take me with you when you go.
To that land of gentle breezes where the peaceful waters flow
-Gene MacClellan, “Snowbird,” sung by Anne Murray –

That reminds me, a salt-water crocodile, a great white shark and a Canada Goose walk into a bar…
-Author Unknown –

The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression.
– Gary Larson –

You’ll have a lot more respect for a bird after you try making a nest.
– Cynthia Copeland Lewis –

We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting from the previous flap?
– Jack Handey, Deeper Thoughts: All New, All Crispy –

Great Horned Owl Update

We haven’t seen the Great Horned Owl Family very often this past month, but I now have a permanent set of Owlet triplets to remind me of how special it was to watch the Owls.

wool

I crocheted my own owls from a pattern at Jacquie’s Website. Jacquie says “If you are proficient at crochet you will be able to make one of these sweet little owls in no time at all.” Proficient is the operative word. My crochet skills were rusty, and apparently my counting skills were too. ‘No time at all’ took several weeks. There are many fiddly bits to the project.

The hardest part, however, was getting a decent photo of them. Their light weight little bodies didn’t want to sit on the branches of the trees. I finally had to wedge them between branches or skewer them a bit with the poky thorns.

As for real owls, two of the owlets were hunting here on July 19. There were several other owls too, but they didn’t land. The original un-retouched photos are at my Chirps and Buzzes blog post  Great Horned Owlets  are Growing Up with a comparison photo of them as babies. So cute.

Here are photos of the two Owlets, altered with a Super Sharp filter in Topaz Studio.

Happy August! How is your summer or winter so far? Decent weather? Travel? Visitors? Done anything crafty lately?