All posts tagged: humor

The Internet is Watching You

Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza? Google: No sir, it’s Google’s Pizza. Did I dial the wrong number? Google: No sir, Google bought the pizza store. Oh, alright – then I’d like to place an order please. Google: Okay sir, do you want the usual? The usual? You know what my usual is? Google: According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust. Okay – that’s what I want this time too. Google: May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead? No, I hate vegetables. Google: But your cholesterol is not good. How do you know? Google: Through the subscriber’s guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years. Maybe so, but I don’t want the pizza you suggest – I already take medicine for high cholesterol. Google: But you haven’t taken the medicine regularly. 4 months ago you purchased from Drugsale Network a box of only 30 tablets. I bought more from …

Mildly Amusing Missives #2

Robert Fulghum – Questions and Answers Question: If you could live your life over, what changes would you make? Answer: None. Well, maybe I wouldn’t have eaten some bad oysters, and would forgo the times I had too much wine and was miserably hung over. But otherwise, I’d live it all over again – knowing that the hard and troublesome events almost always led to something good in the long run. Every difficulty contained possibilities for something that proved better. While Canadians wrestle with Environmentalists meddling in Canadian politics and policy… Democrats dig for Russian connection and uncover environmentalists. – Headline in ‘The Hill’, Merrill Matthews – The ‘out of touch bubble’ called Hollywood David O. Selznik, producer of Gone With The Wind, once observed that “It’s somehow symbolic of Hollywood that Tara was just a façade, with no rooms inside.” A Comment About Bitcoin I must say its entertaining watching greens who believe in the imaginary climate crisis condemn the enthusiasm of people who believe in an imaginary currency. – Eric Worrall- Confirmation bias …

Mildly Amusing Missives #1

When Grammar and Punctuation Walk into a Bar I’ve posted a new series of quotations on my blog, The Quippery. They are  jokes about Walking into a Bar, but the subjects who do the walking are unusual. The Trials of Being Senior The other day, my mom asked Siri to find information on senior self-defense. Siri: “Looking for information on seniors in Depends.” After a couple of such unsuccessful attempts, my mom gave up. – Dawnette Moore Thompson, comment on Mike Rowe’s Facebook Page – A Belated In Memoriam Women loved (Alan) Rickman: He wasn’t movie-star handsome – not Kevin Costner male-lead handsome – but he oozed both a predatory sensuality and a kind of indifferent hauteur and the combination was irresistible. His mesmeric baritone could sound knee-tremblingly sexy when he was asking if you’d like fries with that. – Mark Steyn – To Be, or Not to Be The way to do is to be. — Leo-tzu, Chinese philosopher The way to be is to do. — Dale Carnegie Do be, do be, do. …

Well of Lost Thoughts – 2017

When I find ideas that speak to me, but I’m not ready to blog about them,  I save them on my Fueled by Chocolate ‘Well of Lost Thoughts’ Facebook Page. Here are just a few of the ones I have ‘rescued’ from there to share with you. How Cold was our Christmas this Year? “On Boxing Day, extreme cold warnings were issued for a section of Canada stretching from the Alberta/B.C. border all the way to the St. Lawrence River. That’s a swath of Canada roughly 3,500 km wide.” from the National Post: Mars and the North Pole are warmer than Winnipeg It was -30C (-22F) here at the Red House on Boxing Day (December 26). It takes a lot of fuel to heat our country in the winter – renewable resources are not going to be able to provide that much energy in the near term. In the meantime, we depend on fossil fuels. This video by Corb Lund and the Hurtin’ Albertans, (filmed near Devon, Alberta on May 30, 2004) is a favourite …

Canadian Snowbirds – Renewing a Prescription Drug in Arizona

Good News for Canadian Snowbirds! If you are going to run out of a prescription drug before you can get back to Canada, there could be a way you can get it refilled. Take the remaining medication to a local Urgent Care (Primary Care Walk-in) Centre (we used the one nearest  to us, in Fountain Hills Arizona). Be sure the medication is in the original container with the label from the pharmacy that filled your prescription. The Doctors or Nurse Practitioners will give you a similar check-up to what your doctor at home would do before renewing your prescription. There will, of course, be a fee for this service. The prescription will be sent to a pharmacy of your choice for pick-up the next day. Totally unrelated to this topic – I’ve edited the following popular Snowbird joke that circulates in emails. I made it an Alberta/Arizona joke instead of Minneapolis/Florida (though it is rather far fetched to think someone would choose to honeymoon in Arizona…) An Alberta couple decided to go to Arizona to …

The Quippery

Ambushed by the Best Paraprosdokians

Paraprosdokians are sentences that ambush you. They have an unexpected shift in meaning in the latter part of a sentence or phrase – that you didn’t expect from the first part of the sentence. Sometimes they also play on the double meaning of a particular word. Here are some examples that I found on sites about paraprosdokians, or that I’ve chosen because they seem to fit the definition. A fool and his money are soon elected. – Will Rogers – A good cook needs storage, a bad cook needs a dog. – IKEA sign in a store – And I, I took the road less traveled by. I was using a GPS system. – Robert Brault – Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what’s for lunch. – Orson Welles – By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man’s, I mean. – Mark Twain – Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. – Robert C. Gallagher – Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn’t a lot …