The Lighter Side of Canadian Governments

That Good Looking Bullshitter in a Suit

Justin (Trudeau) looks more and more like a regression to the mean, a nice guy with influential friends but still just another ordinary good-looking bullshitter in a suit.
– Crawford Kilian, The Tyee –


Background to the cartoon: Liberal Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has threatened to sue Conservative Party Leader Scheer over Scheer’s statements that Trudeau interfered with the prosecution of Montreal firm SNC-Lavalin and lied to Canadians about it. This  ‘scandal’ has led to two resignations: Trudeau’s Principal Secretary, G. Butts and Michael Wernick, the Clerk of the Privy Council (who is also head of the federal public service). Trudeau also ousted two members of his party because they criticized his behavior.

It’s Just Other People’s Money

As Margaret Thatcher once pointed out, “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money.”

In 2016, under the left wing NDP government, Alberta’s capital city, Edmonton, lost roughly 15,000 private-sector jobs, but it gained 14,000 provincial public-sector ones. The debt and deficit increased as did government intervention in the form of income redistribution and regulation. Albertans recently said, enough is enough – and elected a more fiscally Conservative government.

Two Ways to Deal with a Coyote

In British Columbia (perhaps):
The Premier is jogging with his or her dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Premier’s dog, then bites the Premier.
The Premier starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the province $200 for testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
The Premier goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and to get his bite wound bandaged.
The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish and Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
The Premier spends $50,000 in provincial funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area. The provincial legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
The Premier’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The Province spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.
PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the province.

In Alberta:
The Premier is jogging with his or her dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the dog.
The Premier’s security agent shoots the coyote, drags it into the bushes and keeps jogging.
The Premier has spent $0.50 on a cartridge.
The crows eat the dead coyote.

Trudeau Goes to India

Justin Trudeau’s India visit has proved one thing. He has more Indian outfits than all the men in my family combined!
– Anu Menon @ExLolaKutty –

Budgets Balance Themselves

Trudeau says that we need to “rethink concepts as basic as space and time.” Intelligent people say “we need to rethink Trudeau.”
– David Jacobs @DrJacobsRad –

The Liberal Party campaigned on a pledge to run short-term deficits in order to stimulate the economy and return to balance before the 2019 federal election. That didn’t happen because what Mr. Trudeau really meant was “the commitment is to grow the economy and the budget will balance itself.” Unfortunately, budgets aren’t self balancing. Finance Canada now predicts the deficit could be erased by 2045.

Not Enough Parachutes

A small plane had 4 passengers on board…
the Russian President Vladimir Putin,
the American President Donald Trump,
the Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,
and a boy scout.

All of a sudden, the engine caught fire.The pilot explained to the passengers that the plane was gliding but losing altitude… it would crash in 6 minutes. Another problem was that there were 5 people on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The Russian president suddenly exclaimed “We are the best country in the world” – he grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The American president exclaimed “We are the most powerful country in the world” – he grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The Canadian Prime Minister exclaimed “I’m the brains of Canada” and he grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The pilot turned to the boy scout and said “Well son, there’s 2 of us left and only 1 parachute.” The boy scout looked at the pilot and said “No worries… the brains of Canada just took my backpack.”

Mildly Amusing Missives #6 – Tweets

What You Should Know About Naps

Too Many Words

How Much of your Day is Spent in Landscape Mode?

Trump Derangement Syndrome

So You Want Something for Nothing

Will Great Britain Ever Leave the EU?

But after two years of watching one deadline give way to the next, does anyone really believe Britain will meet this one?
– Emma Ross-Thomas, Bloomberg –

Who You Were Will be More Important Than Who you Became
So You Think You are Overtaxed?

Canadian Taxes on Gasoline: Federal Tax, Provincial Tax, Sales Tax and Carbon Tax.

On the Food Front

Bathroom Thoughts

Ever notice that public restrooms sometimes mount the paper towel dispenser so high that the water drips up your arms when you reach for the towel? (Or maybe that is just something that happens to short people…) Some restrooms only have air blowers and they are so weak you finally just wipe your hands on your pants.

Do you agree that you should  “Avoid using the handicapped stall unless you are entitled to do so?” I think that is bad advice. The handicapped are perfectly capable of waiting a few minutes for their stall to become available and it is silly to leave a stall vacant when there is a long line of people waiting to use the facilities.

What did you find Mildly Amusing this week?

Game Changing Three Word Phrases

Can the utterance of just three words change the direction of your day, if not your life? Here are a few examples from a Twitter Account called @SoVeryBritish:

– You’ll be fine
– Just a trim
– How are you?
– A quick word
– Out of milk
– Might be fun
– Contact customer support
– Meet and greet
– You look well
– Honestly, you choose

I’d add these to the list:

– out of nutella
– internet is down
– battery is dead
– no toilet paper
– clean your room
– let’s get high
– I am pregnant

For Canadians who are going to go to the polls this fall, I came up with these three-word ‘it sounds good until things go wonky’ phrases:
– national carbon ‘pricing’
– ‘irregular’ border crossings
– budgets balance themselves

What would be on your list for three word game changing phrases?

Animal Species and the Language Police

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has taken offense to phrases that they say trivializes cruelty to animals. They call it “Speciesism”. In a recent Twitter post, they wrote “Words matter, and as our understanding of social justice evolves, our language evolves along with it. Here’s how to remove speciesism from your daily conversations.”

PETA suggestions for replacements of what they consider ‘Anti-Animal’ Language.

The response to this tweet was not particularly supportive of the concept. For the most part, the internet laughed.

“So you’re saying that there’s more than one way to skin a cat.”
“You’re flogging a dead horse.”
“So you’re advocating violence against flowers now.”
“PETA probably has bigger fish to fry…oops.”
“So, Curiosity thrilled the cat (not killed).”
“Hey peta! You forgot to let the weather know it has to stop raining cats and dogs.”
“I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag, sound too pig headed, but want to address the elephant in the room, there is more than one way to skin a cat.”
“We should also address the 800-pound gorilla in the room who is the perfect weight because we don’t body shame here.”

There are hundreds of phrases that are inspired by animals. Do they trivialize cruelty to animals or are they simply a reflection of our interesting and complex language? How is our language being shaped by the growing influence of Pressure Group Language Police?

‘Hop like a bunny’ over to The Phrase Finder for an excellent compilation of Animal Inspired Phrases. If you don’t follow this link then all I can say is “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.”
For more Animal Idioms, with some fun photographs, ‘train your eagle eyes’ onto 25 Amazing Animal Idioms. I’m not ‘sending you on a wild goose chase’, really!

What is your favourite animal idiom?

 

Mildly Amusing Missives #2

Robert Fulghum – Questions and Answers

Question: If you could live your life over, what changes would you make?
Answer: None. Well, maybe I wouldn’t have eaten some bad oysters, and would forgo the times I had too much wine and was miserably hung over. But otherwise, I’d live it all over again – knowing that the hard and troublesome events almost always led to something good in the long run. Every difficulty contained possibilities for something that proved better.

While Canadians wrestle with Environmentalists meddling in Canadian politics and policy…

Democrats dig for Russian connection and uncover environmentalists.
– Headline in ‘The Hill’, Merrill Matthews –

The ‘out of touch bubble’ called Hollywood

David O. Selznik, producer of Gone With The Wind, once observed that “It’s somehow symbolic of Hollywood that Tara was just a façade, with no rooms inside.”

A Comment About Bitcoin

I must say its entertaining watching greens who believe in the imaginary climate crisis condemn the enthusiasm of people who believe in an imaginary currency.
– Eric Worrall-

Confirmation bias (myside bias) – when you only believe things that confirm what you already believe in and doubt anything that doesn’t agree with that.

Confirmation bias isn’t an occasional bug in our human operating system. It is the operating system. – Scott Adams –

The Queen of Climate Change in Canada – stuffing gender into everything.

We need to consider the gendered impacts of climate change on women, girls and children…
– Twitter comment from Canadian Minister of Environment and Climate Change Catherine McKenna March 9, 2018 –

A tweeter responded: “My sister’s first job was babysitting. Mine was shoveling snowy driveways. Is that what you mean?”

Schlock Mercenary – I just found this online comic strip. I’ve put it on my ‘morning chuckle’ reading list.

Maxim 18: If the officers are leading from in front, watch for an attack from the rear.
The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

A quote my daughter sent me sums up the winter that won’t leave: “It’s like winter is really mad and keeps storming out of the room and then coming back in to yell ‘And another thing!'”

More snow is in the forecast, the Rockies have not reached the maximum snow-pack yet, and Edmonton Alberta has had 167 consecutive nights where temperatures were below freezing.

I can’t find the author of this, but I admire anyone who can write in rhyme.

A magazine writer named Bing
Could make copy from most anything;
But the copy he wrote
Of a ten-dollar note
Was so good he now lives in Sing Sing.

The UK explained sexual consent in the most British way possible

If you have experienced Alberta in the winter and Saskatchewan in the summer, then you’ll appreciate this joke about the City of Lloydminster, which straddles the border between the two Provinces.

Person #1: “Did you know Mercury does not rotate on its axis as it orbits the sun?”
Person #2 pauses: “That can only mean one side is a barren ball of ice while the other side is a flaming fire pit of Hell!”
Person #3: “Presumably if you built a house on the border between the two it could be livable — in theory.”
Person #4: “Like Lloydminster!”
– Blacklock’s Reporter –

If you are tired of knitting sweaters and hats, try out some of these!
Jewellery and Moths at Max’s World
Knittin’ kittens and intra-abdominal viscera at Masculiknity

What did you find that was Mildly Amusing this week!