All posts tagged: quotation

Mildly Amusing Missives #3 – And More Owls

The Owlets Take Flight Part Two of the Great Horned Owl Story is over here: The Owlets Take Flight A Little Bit About Ants I bought an ant farm. I don’t know where I am going to get a tractor that small! – Steven Wright – Ever so Virtuous Virtue signalling: when you express an opinion in public to show your moral superiority and gain approval – without actually taking a significant action. (Isaac) Newton wouldn’t last long as a ‘public intellectual’ in modern American culture. Sooner or later, he would say ‘offensive’ things that get reported to Harvard and that get picked up by mainstream media as moral-outrage clickbait. His eccentric, ornery awkwardness would lead to swift expulsion from academia, social media, and publishing. Result? On the upside, he’d drive some traffic through Huffpost, Buzzfeed, and Jezebel, and people would have a fresh controversy to virtue-signal about on Facebook. On the downside, we wouldn’t have Newton’s Laws of Motion. ― Geoffrey Miller – Gender Neutrality in Canada Gender neutrality is a hot issue is …

Mildly Amusing Missives #2

Robert Fulghum – Questions and Answers Question: If you could live your life over, what changes would you make? Answer: None. Well, maybe I wouldn’t have eaten some bad oysters, and would forgo the times I had too much wine and was miserably hung over. But otherwise, I’d live it all over again – knowing that the hard and troublesome events almost always led to something good in the long run. Every difficulty contained possibilities for something that proved better. While Canadians wrestle with Environmentalists meddling in Canadian politics and policy… Democrats dig for Russian connection and uncover environmentalists. – Headline in ‘The Hill’, Merrill Matthews – The ‘out of touch bubble’ called Hollywood David O. Selznik, producer of Gone With The Wind, once observed that “It’s somehow symbolic of Hollywood that Tara was just a façade, with no rooms inside.” A Comment About Bitcoin I must say its entertaining watching greens who believe in the imaginary climate crisis condemn the enthusiasm of people who believe in an imaginary currency. – Eric Worrall- Confirmation bias …

The Quippery

Ambushed by the Best Paraprosdokians

Paraprosdokians are sentences that ambush you. They have an unexpected shift in meaning in the latter part of a sentence or phrase – that you didn’t expect from the first part of the sentence. Sometimes they also play on the double meaning of a particular word. Here are some examples that I found on sites about paraprosdokians, or that I’ve chosen because they seem to fit the definition. A fool and his money are soon elected. – Will Rogers – A good cook needs storage, a bad cook needs a dog. – IKEA sign in a store – And I, I took the road less traveled by. I was using a GPS system. – Robert Brault – Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what’s for lunch. – Orson Welles – By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man’s, I mean. – Mark Twain – Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. – Robert C. Gallagher – Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn’t a lot …

purple monster

The 2017 Alberta Flu Bug Arrives at my Door

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you. I will make you ache, shake, and sweat until you moan and groan. I will make you beg me to stop! When I am finished you will be weak for days. Sincerely, The Flu. I’ve been getting an Annual Flu shot since 2003, and up until now I have been flu-free. My luck ran out last Monday. I woke up feeling awful – fever, chills, whole body muscle pain,  intense fatigue, a cough, and skin so sensitive I could hardly stand to wear clothes. All these symptoms pointed to a flu virus. The flu, in a nutshell: At First I was afraid I was gonna die. Now I’m afraid I won’t. – Author Unknown – For 3 days I shuffled from bed to couch and back to bed. By Day 4, the whole body symptoms had receded, but site specific rashes and inflammations popped up. I felt well enough, though, to get out of bed and go see the Doctor. He confirmed I …

The Quippery

Mysterious Baskets and Magic Gas Tanks

The Car Guy says we have a mysterious laundry basket at our house too. On the flip side, I have a car with a magic gas tank! When the tank is almost empty, I just put the car in the garage, and the next time I drive it, the tank is full again! Have you experienced any inexplicable events like this? Post 550

ocean rocks trees

Over the Top Writing Makes me do Just the Opposite

You’ve probably seen some of these ‘over the top’ words in Post Titles on the internet. They are supposed to be so enticing that you will click through to read the story. Here are some of the most common superlatives: Utterly Strangest Outrageous Amazing Groundbreaking Truth Astonishing Incredible Bombshell Awesomely Stunning Unbelievable (or You Won’t Believe Your Eyes) Insanely Gorgeous Impossible Absolutely Unbeatable You’ll Never Guess Ridiculous or Jaw Dropping for stories, that will Blow you away Be to Die For Take Your Breath Away Change Your World Freak You Out because well, OMG – This is Genius!!! This style of writing has just the opposite effect on me – I simply refuse to click through to read it. Just this once, though, I’m going to use words from the list above to describe my photos for this week’s WordPress Photo Challenge (which is Opposites.) These photos were taken on a trip to the Hawaiian Islands. OMG! The scenery was to die for! My jaw dropped as I watched the waves crash onto the rocks. …

snow pink flower

Wishing for Weather – I Said Rain – not Snow!

Towards the end of our stay in Arizona, I saw a TV commercial that made me long for a rainy day. An off road vehicle was driving up a winding mountain road. A light rain was falling. I remembered how fresh the air could feel and how wonderful the forest could smell after a rain!  In contrast, Phoenix Arizona was dry desert heat that could possibly fry an egg on the hood of the neighbour’s car. A few days later, we were on our way back to Alberta. Our first stop was the Grand Canyon. We arrived late in the afternoon, and spent several hours walking along the rim taking pictures. Dark clouds to both the east and west hinted that a storm was brewing. My rainy day was very near! I woke the next morning (my birthday) to a steady drizzle. I marveled that The Car Guy was able to deliver such a great present on my birthday. As we drove back to the Grand Canyon, I got whiffs of fresh air and fragrant …

The Quippery

Local Libraries, Books and the Guerrilla Librarian

In ‘The Alphabet and Good Intentions’ I explained the rather unique book filing system that our local librarians use. On occasion, this drives me to distraction – so last week I kind of refiled all the John Grisham’s. Now his books are in two locations instead of four. I suppose I could ask to be a volunteer at this library, but I’ve met a few of the other volunteers, and they are not a very flexible group of women, (either in the way they run the library, or in their ability to reach to the top and bottom shelves – they are quite a bit older than me…).  I have decided I am much more suited to being a guerrilla librarian. I found other references to just this kind of activity: “…Maxwell had also found a vocation of sorts, unpaid but satisfying, even addicting. He moved library books.” Though the author of this story isn’t stated, the blog post with the rest of the story is here, and it is quite fun:  Swiss Army Librarian. …

Weather – Pondering Alberta’s Four Seasons

I’m in Arizona this morning. It is springtime here and the first blooms have appeared on a few bushes. By this evening I will be back in Alberta. It has been a mild winter, but if anything in my yard has been fooled into thinking it is spring, it is sadly mistaken! I’ve chosen the Mountain Ash tree at The Red House to show you the seasons in Alberta – which are summed up as follows: In Canada we have: Six months of winter, and six months of poor sledding. These can be broken down into: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction season. To be more specific, the four seasons are: June, July, August and Winter. – Author Unknown – Here are the photos and quotes that explain the seasons: Mountain Ash – late spring The principal function of March is to use up the winter weather that wouldn’t fit into February. – Doug Larson – Mountain Ash – Late Summer Summers always fly – winters walk. – Charles M. Schulz – Mountain …

Time and My Clock Walls – So Late So Soon

How time has changed!  When I was young, a clock had hands and you learned how to ‘tell time’. We had only a few clocks in our house. One was in the kitchen, and I suppose there was an alarm clock for my parental units (but I don’t remember ever hearing it ring.) I didn’t really pay attention to what time is was. Grown-ups did that for me. I just did what they told me to do when they told me to do it – mostly. If no one was telling me where to be or what to do, I let the sun and a rumble in my stomach guide me. Today we are surrounded by clocks. They reside in every conceivable appliance. This has a cost though – a microwave oven can consume more electricity powering its digital clock than it does heating food! Of course, most wall clocks are battery powered – but  how much do you spend on batteries in a year? How many clocks do you have to reset when Daylight …

Our Library, The Alphabet and a Good Crafting Intention

Our ‘Snowbird’ Community has a small Library. The volunteer librarians have developed a book filing system that theoretically allows them to house the largest number of books. The books are sorted by subject, then by size, then alphabetically by author’s name. This means that book cases with shorter paperback books have one more shelf than the taller hard cover book cases. The problem with this system becomes apparent when the users want to find books by a particular author. Books by Stephen King, for example, can be found in 6 different locations – non-fiction, science fiction, fiction paperback, fiction hard cover, mystery paperback, and mystery hard cover. On any given day, the whim of the volunteer who shelves the book will determine where the book is.  This means that two hard cover copies of a single book will invariably be shelved in two different places. Now and then, whole shelves of books will simply disappear. I’m assuming there were multiple copies of some books, and they were  donated to another little library. But in a …

The Quippery

Security – A New Year – Time for New Passwords!

Happy New Year to you all! Do you have a List of Resolutions? Thought about adding ‘New Passwords’ to that list? In 2011, The Car Guy’s Yahoo Mail account sent out invitations to most of his contacts to use Viagra. After hours of looking for a breach, I realized that the account had been hacked through Yahoo itself. We secured the account with a new password, but the whole episode was a good reminder of why it is a good idea to change passwords frequently, and have different passwords for different accounts. Strong passwords are also highly recommended. Some sites require specific combinations, though not quite as rigorous as this password protocol that I made up: The Car Guy and I developed and memorized a few mnemonic phrases. They form the first part of our passwords. The second part of each password varies from site to site. We’ve memorized most of them, but keep them all in a database (without the mnemonic part) for those days when we can’t find our car keys, let alone …

Pets – The World According to Cats

Anybody can herd cattle, but holding together ten thousand half-wild shorthairs – well, that’s another thing altogether. – EDS Commercial – Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. – Garrison Keillor – Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. – Joseph Wood Krutch – I’ve read that cats treat people the same way they would treat other cats. Cat owners, do you think that is true?

Pets – The World According to Dogs

Have you read ‘The Art of Racing in the Rain‘ by Garth Stein? Garth’s website explains the story: “Enzo knows he is different from other dogs: a philosopher with a nearly human soul (and an obsession with opposable thumbs), he has educated himself by watching television extensively, and by listening very closely to the words of his master, Denny Swift, an up-and-coming race car driver.” I am confident Enzo would want you to watch and read the following! Here’s why I will be a good person. Because I listen. I cannot talk, so I listen very well. I never deflect the course of the conversation with a comment of my own… For instance, if we met at a party and I wanted to tell you a story about the time I needed to get a soccer ball in my neighbor’s yard but his dog chased me and I had to jump into a swimming pool to escape, and I began telling the story, you, hearing the words “soccer” and “neighbor” in the same sentence, might …

Egret, great blue heron, black crowned night heron

Trios, Triplet, Thirds – Photos of Three Things

Trio, triple, thirds say three. As do triad, ternion and  trilogy, Triptych, trine and trichotomy, Triangle, treble and trinity. – Margy – This week’s WordPress Photo Challenge is Trio.  I had no problem finding photos to fit, as I often compose a shot to include three elements. The idea of the number ‘3’ is also an important part of a photograph’s composition. The Rule of Thirds is perhaps not instinctive, nor obvious, yet it can make a dramatic difference in a photograph. Of course, rules are often broken. I was thinking Rule of Thirds when I cropped the following photos, but wasn’t that successful! Cactus blooms  – Arizona Egret, Great Blue Heron and Black Crowned Night Heron – Sun Lakes Arizona Golden Barrel Cactus – Arizona Tall Grasses – my yard, Alberta, Canada Three word street sign – Carefree Arizona Building with Three arches – Jerome, Arizona Three spruce cones – my yard, Alberta, Canada Before I was married I had three theories about raising children. Now I have three children and no theories. – …

Internet – Google Autocomplete – Unfiltered Eavesdropping

Google Search wants to help you find what you are looking for. To speed up the process, it uses autocomplete to list suggestions that are based on the search activity of other Google users. Here are some of the searches I did and what I learned from my digital eavesdropping: pdf and atheism – two new religions. Once the issue of the unlocked cell phone is resolved, we can move on to other pressing matters. Potatoes were right up there with making babies. Why wouldn’t you know why your license was suspended? Maybe if you do the first three, the last will be easy… The fridge was a bit of a surprise considering the rest of the list. I will have the children read Hamlet as soon as it is practical. There are some useful cautions against eavesdropping to be gleaned from that. – Maryrose Wood, The Mysterious Howling – One of the unique things about the human brain is that it can do only what it thinks it can do. The minute you say, …

thinking hat

More Puns – What These Words Can Also Mean!

Can you look deep inside a word and find another meaning? ABASEMENT: Where the furnace is located. ABDICATE: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. AFTERMATH: Relaxation after algebra class. ALARMS: What an octopus is. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds AVOIDABLE: What the bullfighter tried to do. BALDERDASH: A rapidly receding hairline. BARIUM: What the undertaker usually does. BAROQUE: When I spend more than I make. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage. BUCCANEER: The price of a cob of corn. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with. CANTALOUPE: When you can’t run off and get married. CARNATION: Place where every citizen owns an automobile. CATALOGS: Material used to build cow fences. CAUTERIZE: Made eye contact with a woman. COFFEE: The person you coughed on. COLANDER: Someone who arrives on the same plane as you did. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen countertops. CYTOLOGY: The study of real estate. DIPLOMA: Da’ man who fixes da’ pipes DOCKYARD: A physician’s garden. ECLIPSE: What a barber does. FLATULENCE: Emergency …

Chocolate – Here Today, Gone Today!

In the beginning, the Lord created chocolate, and he saw that it was good. Then he separated the light from the dark, and it was better. – Unknown – Strength is the capacity to break a Hershey bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of the pieces.” ― Judith Viorst, Love & Guilt & The Meaning Of Life, Etc – After about 20 years of marriage, I’m finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. – Mel Gibson – Chocolate: Here today …. Gone today! – Unknown – For more Quotations about Chocolate, visit this post at The Quippery. Post 474