Golf Quotations

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.
– Author Unknown –

Anyone caught collecting golf balls will have their balls removed.
– Sign somewhere –

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn’t a lot of strokes when you consider the course.
– Lee Trevino –

Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study ‘Shanks – No Thanks’ by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard’s excellent ‘Tennis for Beginners’.
– Henry Beard –

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it’s called the PGA Tour.
– Alex Hay –

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.
– Author Unknown –

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.
– Robin Williams –

Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.
– Paul Harvey –

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose
– Winston Churchill –

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.
– Chi Chi Rodriguez –

Golf’s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
– Bob Hope –

Good golf is easier to play – and far more pleasant – than bad golf.
– Babe Didrikson Zaharias –

His driving is unbelievable. I don’t go that far on my holidays.
– Ian Baker-Finch, on John Daly –

I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don’t put the right address on it.
– Jim Dent –

I don’t exaggerate — I just remember big.
– Chi Chi Rodriguez –

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
– Lee Trevino –

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
– Tom Mulligan –

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
– Jack Lemon –

I’ll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.
– Bruce Lansky –

I’m in the woods so much I can tell you which plants are edible.
– Lee Trevino –

I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
– Lee Trevino –

I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.
– Joe E. Lewis –

It’s so ridiculous to see a golfer with a one foot putt and everybody is saying “Shhh” and not moving a muscle. Then we allow nineteen year-old kids to face a game-deciding free throw with seventeen thousand people yelling.
– Al McGuire –

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
– Hank Aaron –

I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.
– Bob Hope –

I’ve heard people say putting is 50 percent technique and 50 percent mental. I really believe it is 50 percent technique and 90 percent positive thinking, see, but that adds up to 140 percent, which is why nobody is 100 percent sure how to putt.
– Chi Chi Rodriguez –

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool.
– George Brett –

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
– Bob Hope –

Long way… wrong way.
– A Golfers Lament –

Make thy ball lie in green pastures, not in still waters. (Arnie-3: par 72)
– Ben Hogan –

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
– Franklin P. Adams –

My handicap? Woods and irons.
– Chris Codiroli –

My game went so bad today, that I lost two balls in the ball washer.
– Author unknown –

One under a tree, one under a bush, one under the water.
– Lee Trevino, describing how he was one under during a tournament –

Some golfers blast their ball from traps,
With one adroit explosion,
But others, out in ten perhaps,
Depend upon erosion.
– Richard Armour –

The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.
– Chi Chi Rodriguez –

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.
– John Updike –

The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray.
– Bruce Lansky –

The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music.
– Author Unknown –

They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.
– Ray Floyd –

Through years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt.
– Jack Nicklaus, on why he tees his ball high –

We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
– Bob Hope –

What a shame to waste those great shots on the practice tee.
– Walter Hagen –

When the ducks are walking, you know it is too windy to be playing golf.
– Dave Stockton –

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
– Author Unknown –

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
– Henny Youngman –

Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn’t float too well.
– Craig Stadler –

You know what they say about big hitters…the woods are full of them.
– Jimmy Demaret –

You know you’re on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do.
– Bob Bruce –

You’ve just one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.
– Sam Snead –

Photography Quotations

The Quippery

Above all, I craved to seize the whole essence, in the confines of one single photograph, of some situation that was in the process of unrolling itself before my eyes.
– Henri Cartier-Bresson –

Actually, I’m not all that interested in the subject of photography. Once the picture is in the box, I’m not all that interested in what happens next. Hunters, after all, aren’t cooks.
– Henri Cartier-Bresson –

Buying a Nikon doesn’t make you a photographer. It makes you a Nikon owner.
– Author Unknown –

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
– Author Unknown –

Fear is a darkroom where negatives develop.
– Usman B. Asif –

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
– Author Unknown –

If I could tell the story in words, I wouldn’t need to lug around a camera.
– Lewis Hine –

If you saw a man drowning and you could either save him or photograph the event… what kind of film would you use?
– Author Unknown –

I gaze at the sunset with the woman I love and think F8 At 1/250.
– Canon Cameras-

I think a photography class should be a requirement in all educational programs because it makes you see the world rather than just look at it.
– Author Unknown –

I’ve taken up photography because it’s the only hobby where I can shoot people and cut their heads off without going to jail.
– Aunty Acid –

No picture has a single meaning.
– Simon Watney –

Photography is a tough life: you can be taken, framed, exposed, shot, captured, and hung all in the same day.
– Author Unknown –

There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
– Abraham Lincoln –

Shoot the kids. Hang the family. Frame the wife.
– Sign in a Photography Framing Shop –

There is 3 key things for good photography: the camera, lighting and… photoshop.
– Tyra Banks –

The quickest way to make money at photography is to sell your camera.
– Author Unknown –

To consult the rules of composition before making a picture is a little like consulting the law of gravitation before going for a walk.
– Edward Weston –

When I Was Your Age: It took a week to learn whether your photos came out okay.
– Neil deGrasse Tyson, 2014 –

You find a lot of junk when you’re searching through lost and tossed photo ephemera, but every so often you’ll find a gem, a wallet-sized masterpiece you’re certain could hang on the wall of a gallery if only someone with a name had taken it. Find one or two of those and you’re hooked for life.
– Ransom Riggs –

You will regret that cell-phone self-portrait in the bathroom mirror one day.
– Unknown Author –

When you snap a picture of another person, two fundamental rights often come into play: the right of the photographer to free expression and the right of the subject to privacy (the right to be left alone).
– Lien Verbauwhede, 2006 –

Books, Writing and Reading Quotations

7-book The Quippery

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking about what to write.
– Author Unknown-

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
– P.J. O’Rourke –

A new word is like a fresh seed sown on the ground of the discussion.
– Ludwig Wittgenstein –

And then Satan said, “Put the alphabet in math.”
-getfunny.net –

‘Bookworms’ are now almost exclusively known in the secondary and derivative meaning of the word as porers over dry books; but there was a time when the real worms were as ubiquitous as our cockroaches. They would start at the first or last page and tunnel circular holes through the volume, and were cursed by librarians…. They were dignified, like other disagreeable things, with fine Latin names….
The most audacious beast of our days is the cutter-out of plates…. Towards him we feel a ferocity that is merciless. We should like to extract a tooth without anæsthetics for every plate he has purloined.
– “The Sufferings and Death of Books,” Chambers’s Journal of Popular Literature, Science, and Art, 1890 August 30th –

Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens.
– Fran Lebowitz –

Every writer faces a moment in her career when she realizes that a good part of success has nothing to do with skill or planning, and everything to do with pure, dumb luck. For me, that moment arrived at a party at the Romance Writers of America conference in St. Louis in 1993, when a colleague came to me and asked, “Did you know the heroine on the cover of your newest release has three arms?”
– Christina Dodd – On the Other Hand –

For myself, I favored the abstract. I collected not just obsolete terms and words, but ideas.
― Jasper Fforde, Shades of Grey –

Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, “In Case of Fire, Throw This in First.” I have never had so much respect for Mama as the day I heard this.
– Erma Bombeck (At Wit’s End) –

Having your book turned into a movie is like seeing your oxen turned into bouillon cubes.
– John LeCarre –

Here’s a brain twister. Can you use the word ‘capitulated’ in a sentence where it doesn’t mean ‘Your hat’s on backwards’?
– Joe Martin –

If people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and ask, “To be clear, do you know how reading works”?
– @bridger_w 
(Bridger Winegar) –

I’m a bookaholic on the road to recovery. Ha, not really. I’m on the road to the bookstore.
– Author unknown –

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
– Steven Wright –

I’m writing my book in fifth person, so every sentence starts out with: “I heard from this guy who told somebody …”
– Demetri Martin –

I love walking into a bookstore. It’s like all my friends are sitting on shelves, waving their pages at me.
– Tahereh Mafi –

…I struggled through the alphabet as if it had been a bramble-bush; getting considerably worried and scratched by every letter. After that, I fell among those thieves, the nine figures, who seemed every evening to do something new to disguise themselves and baffle recognition.
– Charles Dickens –

It is clear that the books owned the shop rather than the other way about. Everywhere they had run wild and taken possession of their habitat, breeding and multiplying, and clearly lacking any strong hand to keep them down.
– Agatha Christie, The Clocks –

It is a damned poor mind that can’t think of at least two ways of spelling any word.
– Andrew Jackson –

I try to leave out the parts that people skip.
– Elmore Leonard –

I would be most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves.
– Anna Quindlen, “Enough Bookshelves,” New York Times, 7 August 1991 –

Many people, other than the authors, contribute to the making of a book, from the first person who had the bright idea of alphabetic writing through the inventor of movable type to the lumberjacks who felled the trees that were pulped for its printing. It is not customary to acknowledge the trees themselves, though their commitment is total.
– Forsyth and Rada, Machine Learning –

May God forgive me, but the letters of the alphabet frighten me terribly. They are sly, shameless demons – and dangerous! You open the inkwell, release them; they run off – and how will you ever get control of them again!
– Nikos Kazantzakis –

Old or new, the only sign I always try to rid my books of (usually with little success) is the price-sticker that malignant booksellers attach to the backs. These evil white scabs rip off with difficulty, leaving leprous wounds and traces of slime to which adhere the dust and fluff of ages, making me wish for a special gummy hell to which the inventor of these stickers would be condemned.
– Alberto Manguel, The Library at Night –

One of the advantages of reading books is that you get to play with someone else’s imaginary friends, at all hours of the night.
– Dr. SunWolf –

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
– Attributed to Groucho Marx –

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
– Ronald Reagan –

The covers of this book are too far apart.
– Ambrose Bierce –

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
– Mark Twain –

The length of this document defends it well against the risk of its being read.
– Winston Churchill –

There are books in which the footnotes, or the comments scrawled by some reader’s hand in the margin, are more interesting than the text.
– George Santayana, “Imagination” –

There’s nothing to match curling up with a good book when there’s a repair job to be done around the house.
– Joe Ryan –

There is a temperate zone in the mind, between luxurious indolence and exacting work; and it is to this region, just between laziness and labor, that summer reading belongs.
– Henry Ward Beecher –

Think about these words: cease, coin, chic, indict, and discrepancy. In this string of terms, C sounds like S, K, Sh, and in one case it’s silent. Even within one word this letter doesn’t always maintain the same sound.
The fickle nature of this letter did not please everyone. As American English grew in the 1700s, Benjamin Franklin campaigned to remove C from the alphabet altogether, though his efforts did not gain much traction.
– From The Curious Chronicle of the Letter C –

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
– Stephen Wright –

Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? Why not use the dollar for a bookmark?
– Fred Stoller –

Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.
– Mark Twain –

Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn’t wait to get to work in the morning: I wanted to know what I was going to say.
– Sharon O’Brien –

Punctuation

And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.
– Terry Pratchett –

Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.
– F. Scott Fitzgerald –

In the family of punctuation where the full stop is daddy and the comma is mummy, and the semicolon quietly practises the piano with crossed hands, the exclamation mark is the big attention-deficit brother who gets over-excited and breaks things and laughs too loudly.
– Lynn Truss, Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation, pages 137-138 –

…it sometimes seems hurtful to suppress the exclamation mark when – after all – it doesn’t mean any harm to anyone, and is so desperately keen.
– Lynn Truss, Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation, p 139 –

The punctuation marks you use (and where you put them) can completely change the meaning of what you write. “Twenty-odd ducks” is an estimate of how many are waddling by, but “twenty odd ducks” would not only be a big group, they’d be very strange looking.
– From Twenty-Odd Ducks, by Lynne Truss –